Walk Away

Oh no
Here comes that sun again
That means another day
Without you my friend

And it hurts me
To look into the mirror at myself
And it hurts even more
To have to be with somebody else
And it’s so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes, sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away

With so many people
To love in my life
Why do I worry
About one

But you put the “happy”
In my “ness”
You put the good times
Into my fun
And it’s so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes, sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away
And head for the door

We’ve tried the goodbye
So many days
We walk in the same direction
So that we could never stray
They say if you love somebody
Than you have got to set them free
But I would rather be locked to you
Than live in this pain and misery…

Lyrics by Ben Harper

This song is perfect for me at the moment. Going through a break up is hard but when that person is everything you want and you become so anxious because of it…its time to walk away.

Love is certainly strange and its the ultimate sacrifice of your time, energy and heart. If id known how id be feeling right now I would have never begun the journey.

Alas life in its infinite wisdom is a learning curve from the moment you are born to the end of your time on this mortal coil.

Maybe there should be a Dummies guide to love. Maybe we should all just be honest and say we dont want to be lonely. Maybe we need others to help us even when we show we dont. Maybe we shouldn’t throw each other for sex.

Alot of maybes.

Life is cruel and so is the human heart.

I’m signing out soon, have a nice time and enjoy the ride.

Letting Go

Her face was against his chest, the gentle moonlight lighting the outline of her beautiful face. Captivated by her beauty the man breathed slowly as he gazed long and hard.

She was his dream come true, a glimmer of hope in a cold cold world. A cold world he had created by his own mistakes and regrets. A world that was beautiful turned ugly by his own hands.

Yet this beauty slept without his thoughts interrupting. He kept her close and hugged her tightly. Her brown eyes woke to the tightness and she gazed into his, he brought his hand to her face and tilted it as he brought his mouth close.

A deep longing kiss between the two lovers, a moment of madness overtook his mind as he stuttered to say the words he had thought to say.

He stopped himself as she asked what the matter was. He looked away as if looking to the past and whispered that he wanted to marry her.

Awkward silence with still the tightness of a loving embrace. How could he love anyone as much as she? How could anyone love him?

Eventually she retreated to her side of the bed and passed out as he left her alone and walked out the door. They would remain friends even though every fibre in his body wanted to scream that they should be together.

He was desperately in love but he had to let go of this beautiful woman who had saved his life literally and figuritively many times over. She was the greatest woman he had ever known and she was his best friend.

For now though all that was left was letting go.

One Cigarette Before I go

The dark silhoutte walked towards the dark forest beside the lakes, carrying a rope with a hangmans knot. He carefully made this rope with his own hands, every strand carefully and skillfully woven it to its ultimate tightness.

He walked slowly and solemnly as the ground crunched beneath his feet, his tears dripping along the ground. His journey to oblivion was near its end.

He started to remember bits and pieces of his life, the mixed up issues and hurt thrown around his mind. The joyful moments also but they were less. The pain outweighed the good.

He pulled from his pocket a box of cigarettes, one left in the packet, his last action before leaving the world he called the Savage Garden. He put the noose around his neck which freed his hands for use.

He took out his lighter.

He walked on as he took the single cigarette out, a flick of his thumb and the lighter sparked a flame. illuminating his isolated face against the thick darkness that surrounded him.

He was nearly there as he puffed on his cigarette, he put the lighter away. He was going deeper into the forest to his impending freedom. As he delved into his pocket he felt the crumpling of paper, his last note, his last cry of rage against the world written on a piece of paper.

The rope dragging behind him weighed him down but he didnt care, he sucked on the cigarette feeling the smoke warm his throat. A throat that would struggle later on.

He was there finally, the tree he had chosen weeks back. Near this tree was a memorial grave to a baby, he often thought if he died would he see that baby. He sniffed at the thought, that baby must be lonlier than he.

He climbed the tree carefully and silently, the rope weighing him down, his thoughts began to race and he wondered when would he be discovered. It didnt matter. Not to him.

He thought of how useless he was to everyone and everything, how the world turned its back on him and he closed himself off

Before he knew it he was high up in the tree, a thick branch that was sturdy enough for him. He tied the rope around and around and made sure it was tight. He sat and gazed at the moonlight view. Cars whizzing by in the distance, the lakes behind him.

This is it he thought, the end of his 35 years on earth, what had he achieved? Failed relationships, a burden upon everyone, the pain started to form through tears in his eyes. He sobbed with his hand covering his eyes, his hand pouring watery tears to the ground 10 feet below. He started to hit himself in the head in frustration, nothing would console him.

The pain was too much right now, he calmly relaxed and stared with watery eyes. And then.

He dropped. The rope following his plummet, suddenly the rope snapped and the deadmans knot snapped, there was no struggle. He died and the pain was gone.

A silent forest with a silhouette floating grimly in the air. A baby was heard laughing and cooing near the tree, they were not lonely any more.