The Crescent : No.10


“He’s been banging her for years Marge!” The middle age man breathlessly said, then taking another draw of his rollie ” I mean my god her husband doesn’t even know!”.

Marge looked at her husband with a grin, she loved the gossip.  As she grinned the massive gap between her front teeth could be seen.  Holding her baby like a badge.

“I know Fred, right? She goes on the school run, comes home and does the dirty deed. The tramp!” She smiled, Fred was a loyal husband and she knew he’d never cheat.

There was a loud sound from the loft, they could hear it down in the kitchen.

“I swear there’s rats up there, I may have to have a look love” Fred said.

“No, don’t worry. I don’t think it’s rats. Probably just the wind, it gets draughty up there” marge mimicked the wind “I’ll have a look in a while”

“Alright so Marge, I’ll leave it to you!”

He puffed on the last of his rookie, put down his mug of tea and grandly announced he was going to the job centre.

Marge stood at the window and tutted at her neighbour who was having an affair. “Dirty old trough, imagine carrying on like that” she tutted once more.

Fred looked at her, he was happy to have such a loyal woman.  Best one on the estate, he got a real catch there.

He stood up, gave Marge a kiss on the cheek and got his keys.

“Don’t forget the list!” She said and pulled out a list longer than a toilet roll. “We need the basics love”.

“Fair dos, I’ll see you later love” he said lovingly.  He closed the front door behind him.

As soon as the door closed, Marge put the baby straight in his travel cot and went sprinting upstairs.  She got an old broom and tapped on the attic door.  The loft hatch opened and the built in ladder slid down. A man came down the ladder.

“Is he gone?” The man asked wiping sleep from his eye.

“Yes, now come over here and do me harder than a bottle of lambrini!”

The man obliged and went full throttle.

And so here starts the tale of The Crescent.  A little housing area were everyone gets involved in each others lives.  Marge and Fred are one of many families that live in the Crescent.

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The Crescent : No.22


The poshness of number 22 can not be described.  Everything in the house was cold and organised. Immaculate and clean, straight and efficient.

 Josephine had a highly paid job and her husband had a monopoly on his services.

Josephine sat on the sofa drinking a green tea when a rap at the door.  Josephine rolled her eyes and went straight to the door.

She opened it.

It was her pimp.

“Yo posh nosh where ya been last night girl?” He asked calmly.

“Hey Norman…” she started.

“Don’t hey Norman me with that bullshit. Shit…you’re my money. Remember that!” Norman was getting irritated.

“Sorry” she replied sheepishly.

“Well shit ain’t ya gonna ask your daddy in?” 

“Y-y-yes by all means come in” Josephine ushered him in. Norman looked around.

“Mmmm, lordy, you have got some fine shit in here. Mmm hmm.” Norman was holding a crystal bear ornament.  He laughed a little.

“Well uh, I expected some work done for me last night” he started undoing his buttons “so I expect you to work hard right now”.

Josephine was already undressed and bent over.  Expecting it.

Just as Norman was about to take his clothes off the rattling of keys. Josephine’s husband.

Norman’s face switched from lustful to serious in an instant. Josephine stared hard at the door, in walked her husband Kyle.

Kyle looked at his naked wife then at Norman. Norman stared and broke the silence.

“Bitch! Where were you last night? You my number one rent boy, bitch!” Norman yelled.

“I was just taking the night off boss, I’ve got sting ring” Kyle replied.

“Bitch please, sit on over there” Norman said pointing at the sofa. He gave a disgusted look “gave you employee of the month and everything”. He turned back to Josephine.

“sting ring! PAH!”

The Trolley Ghost


Kaje was a worker at Sunrays Bins, a local supermarket where the happiest customers often shopped.  So happy that they screamed, ranted and argued with incredible joy! 

Kaje was a happy go lucky kind of guy who always had a smile on his chops.  He would often help little old ladies with their shopping whilst occasionally taking a tip or two.  He was very jolly and would often joke and play pranks on other colleagues. But he could be serious when the occaisiob arose.

So he was a trolley attendant and always remained faithful and duty bound to collecting the little buggers from all sorts of places.  Once, he found a trolley in a toilet which was even more embarrassing because it was stuck in a female cubicle.  

He loved his job until one day…. 

He would remember this day for the rest of his trolley days.  He killed a man with a snake line of deadly trollies.  Number 32 of the 213 trollies he looked after was at the front.  He was like a shepherd tends to his sheep.

Yes I guess you could say he was the saviour of trolleys.

I digress, Kaje was pulling trolleys to and from locations scattered across the car park. 

Then it happened!!

A young gangly fella appeared out of nowhere, the guy was under extreme duress after having (Kaje heard later) an argument in-store over a refund policy gone wrong.  The guy was called Jonny and he did not see the snake of trolleys speeding towards him.

So infuriated was the man that the last thing Kaje saw was a popping vein in his head.  Kaje screamed to the man but it was too late.

Poor Jonny was squished beneath the line of trolleys and was instantly crushed.  Kaje ran over to the man and heard his last words.

“You killed me…damn refund policy” the man paused, his face turned to anger “Are you listening to me? ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?”

Kaje nodded his head sadly and the man calmed then slowly closed his eyes and that was the last thing he saw, a trolley attendant holding him.

But that was not the end. God no, it was only the beginning.

A week or two later Kaje started getting some fuzzy tingly feelings.  Number 32 trolley was at the front of the snake that killed poor unfortunate Jonny.  It was this particular trolley that had a mind of its own.

It kept ramming into Kaje at the most random times, it was always vibrating and Kaje would get depressed when he took charge of it.

It was a month later after many knocks and bruises that the true nature of the trolley was revealed.  The Trolley inadvertently trapped the soul of jonny and he was attached to it forever.  Jonny appeared to Kaje in an attempt for him to be released.

“unbelievable man, I was just going home and you killed me” Jonny ranted going around the trolley “don’t even like this store”

Kaje just looked on open mouthed, scared but unsure of what was happening. Jonny carried on ranting.

“I was just going home and you” he pointed his long finger at Kaje who jumped “YOU! YOU…you…flamingo!”.  He was making a point of Kajes bright pink high viz.

“But I didnt…you walked…uh” Kaje stopped as he was aware some people were staring.  He grabbed the trolley and started to walk, Johnny got in.

“Ah so this is where we are at my good man!” Jonny smiled menacingly “I can talk but you can’t.. .this should be fun!”

Kaje jumped out of his skin when jonny jumped out of nowhere.

“God damn it jonny!” He said exasperated, his face turned from shock to anger. Jonny stared whilst smiling goofily.  A group of customers at Sunrays Bins started to stare.

There’s that crazy trolley fella at it again they thought.  Kaje face turned red, embarrassed. Jonny continued to stare goodly then he broke the silence.

“Well you did crush me to death with the trollies!” Jonny smiled “what’s a little surprise between two friends?” With this Jonny faded into nothingness leaving Kaje alone.

Just as Kaje was about to get back to work the manager of Sunrays Bins came running out, her long blonde locks flowing behind her as she ran towards Kaje.  He saw her in slow motion running, she stopped running and approached Kaje.

“Kaje!!! Customers are complaining again of you talking to yourself!” Her blue eyes looked worried “are you Ok?”

As soon as she finished Jonny came out of nowhere and yelled at the top of his lungs “BOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Kaje screamed in terror, the manager fell back nearly losing her feet. She looked at Kaje worried “take rest of the day off Kaje”.

Jonny was blowing raspberries and shouting obscenities at Kaje.  Kaje had to shout over Jonny noise as he couldn’t concentrate properly.

“BUT I’M OK LEANE!” He shouted, the manager was looking a bit cross as he was shouting and there were customers watching.  Jonny continued calling over his shouting “I’VE JUST BEEN…UNDER..A..BIT OF…STRESS!” 

Leane pulled Kaje to the side and whispered angrily in his ear “Listen you wee gobshite don’t ever, ever shout at me in front of customers.  I don’t let anyone talk to me like that, not even my girlfriend!” She paused and thought for a moment “have a fucking day off, I understand the pressures of moving trolleys and the problem you have dealing with the death of that young man.  Just have a fucking day off!”

She pulled away and looked him in the eye “have a fucking day off!”.

She walked back to the store or rather stomped.  Jonny was still ranting and yelling.  

“Shut the fuck up dead guy!” Kaje quietly said so that no one could hear him but Jonny.  Jonny stopped immediately and lunged at Kaje but fell through Kajes body. Kaje sniggered in spite of himself, jonnys face was a grimace.  Pure hatred was on his face. 

“RIGHT! before I go…and thank you for the day off my friend…i want to set some ground rules.” Kaje had had enough and was determined in his course of conversation.

“You cannot leave far away from this” he pointed at the trolley “so what I will do if you carry on is just abandon the trolley, if it comes back it will be left! We are stuck in this predicament.”

Jonny interrupted “because of You!”

Kaje continued through gritted teeth “be that as it may…i will not be dealing with this the way you want. Who would talk to you if I were gone?  No one would stay in the job long enough!” Jonny mouth was open in shock.

So with the quiet conversation finished he left Sunray Bins and went home and relaxed.  He was having a nice time with a chilled beer and some pizza when a rap at the door.

He opened the door, an empty trolley.

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” Jonny jumped out of nowhere.  Kaje jumped, his beer bottle flying through the air, his pizza thrown straight up.  Kaje fell to the floor in a heap, the pizza landing neatly on his head with a plop.

Jonny rolled around on the floor laughing and roaring.

This meant war, oh yes, it was on!

Kaje groaned.  It was gonna be a long day.