A Modern Day Interpretation Of The Bible


She was God.

The Alpha and the Omega.

And she was pissed off with King James and his Bible.

Here lies the story of the Goddess.

Hell hath no fury like a Goddess turned into a God!

Heres her version.

Genesis 1

The Beginning

  1. In the beginning the Goddess created the Earth before the heavens because it made more sense to a woman to create land as the atmosphere was already sourced.
  2. A moody woman patrolled the surfaces of the waters that she created after the land with her readily made list. It was better to have a list than no preparation she thought whilst rolling her eyes.
  3. She became overly dramatic and put her arms in the air “Let there be light!” she screamed and there was light.
  4. She saw that the light was good even though she had doubts about the shade of light because it didn’t match the land, so she adjusted it accordingly. She then seperated the light from the dark and still was not happy about the shade. She took several decades debating this issue.
  5. She called the light Day and the darkness Bae so it would match and rhyme, in her infinite wisdom she thought it would not catch on so she went through a list of names and finally dawned upon Night. And thus after a millennia there was the first Day were there was finally Evening and Morning. Although she had to change the names around so Morning and Evening were better matched to the light and darkness.
  6. Now she said she wanted the rest of the roof above to be coloured, she didnt need to seperate them because it was already done.
  7. So she rejoiced in herself and the work she had done, she lay down and sunbathed in her glorious work.
  8. She called the roof the Sky and then there was the second day Morning and Evening on the Second day.