The Trolley Ghost : Part 2


Kaje jumped out of his skin when jonny jumped out of nowhere.

“God damn it jonny!” He said exasperated, his face turned from shock to anger. Jonny stared whilst smiling goofily.  A group of customers at Sunrays Bins started to stare.

There’s that crazy trolley fella at it again they thought.  Kaje face turned red, embarrassed. Jonny continued to stare goodly then he broke the silence.

“Well you did crush me to death with the trollies!” Jonny smiled “what’s a little surprise between two friends?” With this Jonny faded into nothingness leaving Kaje alone.

Just as Kaje was about to get back to work the manager of Sunrays Bins came running out, her long blonde locks flowing behind her as she ran towards Kaje.  He saw her in slow motion running, she stopped running and approached Kaje.

“Kaje!!! Customers are complaining again of you talking to yourself!” Her blue eyes looked worried “are you Ok?”

As soon as she finished Jonny came out of nowhere and yelled at the top of his lungs “BOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Kaje screamed in terror, the manager fell back nearly losing her feet. She looked at Kaje worried “take rest of the day off Kaje”.

Jonny was blowing raspberries and shouting obscenities at Kaje.  Kaje had to shout over Jonny noise as he couldn’t concentrate properly.

“BUT I’M OK LEANE!” He shouted, the manager was looking a bit cross as he was shouting and there were customers watching.  Jonny continued calling over his shouting “I’VE JUST BEEN…UNDER..A..BIT OF…STRESS!” 

Leane pulled Kaje to the side and whispered angrily in his ear “Listen you wee gobshite don’t ever, ever shout at me in front of customers.  I don’t let anyone talk to me like that, not even my girlfriend!” She paused and thought for a moment “have a fucking day off, I understand the pressures of moving trolleys and the problem you have dealing with the death of that young man.  Just have a fucking day off!”

She pulled away and looked him in the eye “have a fucking day off!”.

She walked back to the store or rather stomped.  Jonny was still ranting and yelling.  

“Shut the fuck up dead guy!” Kaje quietly said so that no one could hear him but Jonny.  Jonny stopped immediately and lunged at Kaje but fell through Kajes body. Kaje sniggered in spite of himself, jonnys face was a grimace.  Pure hatred was on his face. 

“RIGHT! before I go…and thank you for the day off my friend…i want to set some ground rules.” Kaje had had enough and was determined in his course of conversation.

“You cannot leave far away from this” he pointed at the trolley “so what I will do if you carry on is just abandon the trolley, if it comes back it will be left! We are stuck in this predicament.”

Jonny interrupted “because of You!”

Kaje continued through gritted teeth “be that as it may…i will not be dealing with this the way you want. Who would talk to you if I were gone?  No one would stay in the job long enough!” Jonny mouth was open in shock.

So with the quiet conversation finished he left Sunray Bins and went home and relaxed.  He was having a nice time with a chilled beer and some pizza when a rap at the door.

He opened the door, an empty trolley.

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” Jonny jumped out of nowhere.  Kaje jumped, his beer bottle flying through the air, his pizza thrown straight up.  Kaje fell to the floor in a heap, the pizza landing neatly on his head with a plop.

Jonny rolled around on the floor laughing and roaring.

This meant war, oh yes, it was on!

The Trolley Ghost


Kaje was a worker at Sunrays Bins, a local supermarket where the happiest customers often shopped.  So happy that they screamed, ranted and argued with incredible joy! 

Kaje was a happy go lucky kind of guy who always had a smile on his chops.  He would often help little old ladies with their shopping whilst occasionally taking a tip or two.  He was very jolly and would often joke and play pranks on other colleagues. But he could be serious when the occaisiob arose.

So he was a trolley attendant and always remained faithful and duty bound to collecting the little buggers from all sorts of places.  Once, he found a trolley in a toilet which was even more embarrassing because it was stuck in a female cubicle.  

He loved his job until one day…. 

He would remember this day for the rest of his trolley days.  He killed a man with a snake line of deadly trollies.  Number 32 of the 213 trollies he looked after was at the front.  He was like a shepherd tends to his sheep.

Yes I guess you could say he was the saviour of trolleys.

I digress, Kaje was pulling trolleys to and from locations scattered across the car park. 

Then it happened!!

A young gangly fella appeared out of nowhere, the guy was under extreme duress after having (Kaje heard later) an argument in-store over a refund policy gone wrong.  The guy was called Jonny and he did not see the snake of trolleys speeding towards him.

So infuriated was the man that the last thing Kaje saw was a popping vein in his head.  Kaje screamed to the man but it was too late.

Poor Jonny was squished beneath the line of trolleys and was instantly crushed.  Kaje ran over to the man and heard his last words.

“You killed me…damn refund policy” the man paused, his face turned to anger “Are you listening to me? ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?”

Kaje nodded his head sadly and the man calmed then slowly closed his eyes and that was the last thing he saw, a trolley attendant holding him.

But that was not the end. God no, it was only the beginning.

A week or two later Kaje started getting some fuzzy tingly feelings.  Number 32 trolley was at the front of the snake that killed poor unfortunate Jonny.  It was this particular trolley that had a mind of its own.

It kept ramming into Kaje at the most random times, it was always vibrating and Kaje would get depressed when he took charge of it.

It was a month later after many knocks and bruises that the true nature of the trolley was revealed.  The Trolley inadvertently trapped the soul of jonny and he was attached to it forever.  Jonny appeared to Kaje in an attempt for him to be released.

“unbelievable man, I was just going home and you killed me” Jonny ranted going around the trolley “don’t even like this store”

Kaje just looked on open mouthed, scared but unsure of what was happening. Jonny carried on ranting.

“I was just going home and you” he pointed his long finger at Kaje who jumped “YOU! YOU…you…flamingo!”.  He was making a point of Kajes bright pink high viz.

“But I didnt…you walked…uh” Kaje stopped as he was aware some people were staring.  He grabbed the trolley and started to walk, Johnny got in.

“Ah so this is where we are at my good man!” Jonny smiled menacingly “I can talk but you can’t.. .this should be fun!”

Kaje groaned.  It was gonna be a long day.

Clumsy Daddy (A Bedtime Story)



Clumsy Daddy woke up with a start.

*BANG*

“Oooh my noggin!” He said clutching his head after banging it from the window sill over his bed.

*TWEET TWEET HEE HEE*

Laughed the birds.  Clumsy Daddy decided to roll out of bed.

*THUMP!*

He landed on the floor with a thump.  He groaned as the birds continued to TWEET and laugh.

“You birds will get it!!” He growled through gritted teeth.

Never mind he thought to himself, I’ll just go downstairs.  So he walked to the bedroom door and opened it very quickly however he did not know the door was slightly ajar.

*BANG!* 

He pulled the door so hard that he hit his nose with some force.

“OWHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” He screamed like a little girl.  The birds laughed again.  He put his hand up to rub his nose, he opened the door very sheepishly.

He went to head down the stairs but what he didn’t realise was that there was a roller skate at the top stair. He flipped over and started tumbling down the stairs.

*CRASH!*

*BANG*

“OOF! OUCH!”

*BANG*

*CRASH*

“OOH!”

*THUD!*

He was at the bottom of the stairs in a heap.  What a day he thought to himself.

He recovered after a good hour rest and decided to get up and make some breakfast. So he ran to the kitchen door and did the same thing as the bedroom door upstairs.

*SMACK!*

“Oh double whipped cream!” He cursed in such a sweet way.  He then opened the door gently and entered the kitchen.

He went to the fridge and opened it up to its glorious food heaven. He grabbed a pack of bacon and a tub of butter (He dropped the butter on the floor but didn’t notice!).

So he put the oven on three clicks and took out the grill.  Smacking his lips he was so hungry!  He placed four delicious slices of the fattest bacon upon the grill and shoved it in the oven.  He forgot to take his hand away before he closed the oven door.  Silly clumsy daddy!

*BANG*

“Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh!” Clumsy Daddy was running around the kitchen waving his hand frantically and did the first thing logical to his clumsy brain.  He turned the tap on.

He let it run for 5 seconds then stuck his hand underneath.  What he didn’t realise is that he put the hot water on.

“Owwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeee!!” He was feeling very annoyed and hurting! He ran screaming round the kitchen, past the back door which had a dog looking in.  The dog was shrugging it’s shoulders and saying “arff! Rats groing wron?!” Which as we all know is doggy language for whats going on.

Clumsy Daddy calmed down and decided to make himself a coffee, the kettle boiled and he was ready for it.  He poured the hot water in and took a swig.

He spat the coffee everywhere as it was so hot, so hot in fact he couldn’t feel his tongue! 

“Ahhhhhhhhhh ttoooooooooo hooooooot!”

He decided to make some toast, the bread was put in the toaster and clicked down.  He awaited for the delicious toast, he decided he would test his coffee again.  

“Oweeeeeeeee still to loo hot!” He spat the coffee everywhere once again!  The toast popped up ready to be buttered.  He then forgot about the bacon so he rushed to the oven when…

…there lying on the floor was the butter and clumsy daddy went flying around the kitchen in a figure 8.  He unlocked the back door accidently, he knocked over pots and pans and hit his head of a fruit bowl.  

He landed in a heap in the middle of the floor when the dog came bounding in! It started licking clumsy daddy all over and kept going “arff! Arff!”.

Clumsy Daddy groaned, time to go shopping…

Since I’ve got quite a few followers… come show me what ya got!


For all those that have supported my wordpress by subbing I want to firstly send out a big thank you!

Now, I believe we should all share links to each other, get yourself known with others.  I am especially interested in music and story blogs 

However please use this post by describing your blog and linking in the comments. I will definitely check you all out!

I may even post my favourite!

A Bingo Tale – The Interview!


Monday

Pedro Poncho arrived at the Bazzingo front doors for his interview, so excited at the prospect of being employed again!  It had been six months since he was out of a job.  Thanks to government cutbacks and various political decisions he was made redundant from his I.T job.

But that was the past and this was the future.  He promised to give this interview all he had, he was out to impress.  And so he walked into Bazzzingo, a bingo company that was doing relatively well. He passed through the threshold and found an empty reception area.

A few chairs, a desk and a TV were in this small area.  It seemed claustrophobic.  Pedro heard a whirring and noticed a camera following him.  He was on edge.

He looked around at the reception area, the place had an overpowering purple decor, everything was purple from walls to chairs.  It was like someone vomited this bright purple colour everywhere!

Pedro started to mutter to himself”Its a bit purple, bit of a shit hole as well..”

As soon as Pedro finished the last syllable a member of the Bazzingo hall staff appears out of nowhere, apparently camouflaged by the purple walls.  His uniform was the same colour!

“A shithole you say? Not very nice! hmm well never mind that, what do you want? hmmm” the man/woman stated in a slight drawl.

Pedro was taken aback “well…err…hello? I’m here for the interview…” he stuttered.

The person changed his tone and took on a pirate accent “ahar! I knew it, a new victim eh lad eh? ahar, and I suppose you be liking a cup of tea me hearty? ahar!”

“why are you talking like a pirate?” Pedro was losing patience. He kept quiet waiting for an answer.

There was a short uncomfortable silence until Pedro had to say something.

“ah never mind, I would like a cappucino” he said irritated already by this person.

The employee began to mock him “ooh a cappucino for his lordship.” The voice went from pirate to serious “listen son we don’t like arrogant people here, my names Gretchen. Watch it or ill cut yer balls off.”

“but…” Pedro interjected.

“and we don’t like people making fun of us” Gretchen kept on.

“but…”

Gretchen ignored the interruption “so do yourself a favour…”

As Gretchen was about to finish the telephone rang, three loud rings that echoed through the building. Gretchen ran to it like his life depended on it.

“Hello?!” Gretchen asked impatiently. He keeps eyeing up Pedro whilst listening, he scowled and grinned. His/her face Co rotting with emotion.

“Ok, if you say so. Your the boss, i’ll let him know.” Gretchen slammed the phone down hard.

Pedro went to walk out the door thinking the telephone call was telling him the position was filled. Besides his first experience of this place was so bizarre he wanted to go.

A high pitched scream followed him “And where do you think you are going?”

Pedro held his ears, that voice! He turned around and stuttered “Oh, i thought.. That the boss had decided to not have an interview.”

Gretchen scowled at Pedro “You’ve got the job mate, manager says he saw you on CCTV so there ya go.”

“Really?” Pedro was shocked.

“Nah, you can go, im only joking.” Gretchen grinned hard.  Another uncomfortable silence ensued.

“Oh ok, dont really wanna be here anyway.” Pedro was getting angry now, this creature was so bizarre.

“Damn it! I was kidding around ya can start tomorrow. Now fuck off you nubble.” Gretchen scowled again at Pedro, he waved him off impatiently.

Pedro exasperated “Fuck sake! Have i got it or not?!”

“Yes! Oh you are feisty! They will make a meal of you!” Gretchen said in a very camp voice.  He turned his back on Pedro and disappeared in the camouflaged wall.

The Revenge of the King – An Introduction!


An Introduction

Gerostamacamimo del baristaminimo or Gero as I call the hero of this tale (just to make my life easier!) was a fantastic hero in the Dark Ages of The Twanger wars. He is now the whisper of legend and folk tales. His ego would be dissapointed.

His long blonde locks were drenched in the colour of sun and his piercing blue eyes were the colour of the sky.  His only downfall was that he had the high pitched voice of a damsel in distress.

He never ever had a chance with the ladies as gallant as he was.

He also rode a giant turtle who became his friend and confidant.  The turtle was named Shelly and she was the fastest turtle to grace the land of Obituary. I know it truly is a morbid name for the land but it is what it is.

This turtle secretly despised him and would smile at his lame jokes and fake emotion when he was losing battles.  The turtle even abandoned him in the Battle of the Trolls having had enough of him pissing around.  Gero found her though in the heat of the battle and stayed by her, every time he talked she rolled her eyes at the high pitched voice.

Now our hero Gero went on many quests to save fair maidens from clichés, overthrow usurpers of kingdoms and defeat mighty beasts and foes.  One such quest was the defiler of the Wiggly Seas! A huge monstrosity of a 7 fanged walrus began terrorising passing ships with insults.  Yes a talking walrus.

Things like “you’re overcompensating with that boat!” And “you couldn’t get a boat wet on the sea!”.  This walrus was an abomination and seafarers had committed the ultimate sacrifice as this walrus wounded their pride.

One such victim was reported to scream to his death “you’re so mean!”.  And so it was that King Geobald The Master Usurper put out a reward upon this walrus to be taken out.

Unfortunately for the king our hero wanted the reward for ousting the usurper king.  Be careful what you wish for I guess! Besides our hero didn’t want to get his clothes and hair wet anyway fighting this walrus.

And so the king was overthrown after a ridiculously long duel to the death with our hero.  In a weird twist it turned out that the king was actually the walrus, he could transform at will. In some weird plan the king wanted to be rid of various trade routes.  Illuminati confirmed!

So Gero was paid handsomely for both quests plus he took as much treasure from the castle vaults. He was the happiest hero in the land. Until the king came back from the dead via a Court Wizard who was a devout follower of the 7 Fanged Walrus. He went and searched for Gero across the land.

And here begins our new tale….finally.

God



Who is he?

What’s his point of being?

Where does he hide?

What is he?

When did he appear?

So since my nan passed I’ve been soul searching alot, she was very religious and so my train of thought was to try and figure out about god.  I know, I hear ya, impossible!

I guess mourning does strange things to your mind.

However, I firmly believe that there is no such thing as God. I’ll tell you why. My issue is that the collection of books called the Bible tell of two very different versions of God.

One is a hateful, vengeful god hellbent on making men repent and sacrifice. Many atrocities appear in the old testament, infanticide, genocide, murder, blood sacrifice etc.  Now how can that be the good god we have come to know? 

But wait…

Here comes the sequels in the New Testament.  Now that God has chilled out abut he’s decided to save us, so he’s sending his son.  Still, atrocities happen but it’s God’s will and Jesus will be saving us anyway.

I can’t get my head around the Bible, it’s full of hate and love.  No wonder everyone’s confused.

It reminds me of George Carlin whe. He said there’s a man in the sky who watches over us all, he knows what you do and every sin.  He’s given us 10 specific things for us to obey and this man has a set a place aside for us in case we don’t obey.  This place is full of fire and brimstone, demons and torture for now until the end of eternity…but he loves you!  And he wants your money, he can’t handle money.

So basically I’m not going after any religious organisation, I’ve been raised in organised religion and I don’t recommend it.

Many questions came to mind when I went soul searching.  How is there so much suffering in the world? Where are the miracles?  Where are the powers of God? Why are good people dying and evil people roaming free? Why is money ruling everything?

Does anyone have any answers to my questions? Who? What? Where? When?